How not to sleep on an international flight for beginners.

So if you've ever found yourself faced with an international flight to destinations new and exciting that is so far ahead or behind you in terms of time zones that the forthcoming jet lag feels like the prospect of having your prostate examined, here are a few helpful tips as to how you can adjust to the time zone before your flight. I'll also give you a few tips for not sleeping on the flight to ensure that you hit the ground running or ready to sleep as the case may be.

Step 1. Before you leave, stay up as late as possible. In fact, if you can swing it don't sleep at all! Insomnia helped me a lot with this step.
Step 2. The night before you leave decide to head out with your cousin, who we shall for the sake of argument name Cody for a beer. While out lose track of the number of drinks you actually have and end up in a state that a sailor would recomend in a new port city.
Step 3. I can't stress this step enough. Wake up still feeling like the aforementioned sailor. Take a shower, being very careful not to die in the process.
Step 4. Get a coffee and chase it an hour or so later with a Five Hour Energy.
Step 5. Ignore any tremors that you notice in your hands from the ammount of caffine that is now surging in your blood stream.
Step 6. Embrace the heart burn. That's right. Focus on the unending burn that your idiocy, I mean well thought out and executed strategy, has created.
Step 7. Sit in front of someone that looks like they could have been a stand-in for Jabba the Hut during the filming of Star Wars. Listen closely as they consume nearly as many alcholic beverages as you did the night before your flight.
Step 8. Be glad that you have no idea where your ear plugs are, as what you can only assume to be snoring since the FFA and TSA don't allow chainsaws onto planes after that entire 9/11 thing.
Step 9. Now that your humanity has slowly returned to you and you are about to land at your destination, drink your remaining Five Hour Energy.
Step 10. Arrive at your destination and wait ninty minutes outside in sub-freezing temperatures for a bus.

Follow these easy ten steps and I promise you by the time you actually see a bed you'll be asleep the instant your head hits what passes for a pillow. You'll awake at a decent hour feeling like you ran through a corn field naked and possible backwards, but you'll know for certain that today can't be worse than yesterday!